The Classy Comic

Akihabara. Electric town. Or as I like to call it, Outlet Orgy

It is without a doubt, the holy land of nerds, cataholics (not catholics), collectors, gamers, and perverts alike.

Maid Cafe

If you google "What to do in Akihabara", visiting a maid cafe is always on the list. It is a one-establishment manifestation of the "Kawaii" culture in Japan. It also has a 1950's ice-cream parlor vibe. The main point is that you are treated as the "Master/Mistress"

Upon entering, I had to pay a cover-charge of 500JPY. They also give you a variety of animal ears to choose from...it's policy.

Also, the staff must never break character. Meaning they must always act cutesy and talk in a high-pitched chipmunk voice at all times. The most entertaining part of this visit was actually after leaving. I heard one of the staff members leaving the area and talking in a register low enough to unlock the door of a long-forgotten amazonian temple.

Cat Cafe

Now THIS was more enjoyable to a first-time visitor.
There's quite a few to choose from, but they're pretty much the same. You'll still want to visit every one of them though.

After some walking around I finally found Cafe Jalala. You go through the door and pay for the time you'll want to spend there. You also need to take your shoes off and immediately wash your hands before interacting with the cats. You're then given the rules, and have to order a drink. Then you're off to the floor.

When all was said and done, after a 24-hour trip, after days of jetlag, after a colossal culture shock, I finally found it...

Peace

The cats themselves are the friendliest cats you'll ever be around. They have their own pods for when they're not feeling sociable. Don't approach those cats.

The cats that ARE on the floor, are very curious and want to know you a little better. So don't wear black clothes.


On the sofa, were the "guardians". If you come across them when visiting, feel free to give them a belly rub. They don't mind.

When your time is up, you can pay to reset your time (I paid 500JPY for 30 mins) or leave.
If you're a cat person in Tokyo, this is obviously the place to be. When you're there, take as many pictures as you want, just make EXTRA sure the flash is off. It's their number one rule.

Domestic technology.

Upon entering the apartment, I noticed the room was cold enough to turn my genetalia into some form of limited edition skittle. The Japanese winters do tend to get nippy so make sure you have heating facilities before moving in.


In the likely case you end up with one of these, here's a useful link that'll give you all the info you need to use the remote control:

https://harajukublog.wordpress.com/2010/05/12/japanese-heater-and-air-conditioner-kanji/



Rather than the standard switch for the hot water tank, you're given one of these. Just press the blue button and hot water will instantly be available. Just remember to turn it off after using.




Though the most astonishing thing I found, was the toilet's panel. As you may know, toilets here are very well equipped with cool effects.


Conclusion: Locals think that thorough anal hygiene is a bigger priority to westerners than laundry or standard heating.

Also, please note that when renting out an apartment, a pillow, sheet, and duvet are usually included.
A TOWEL IS NOT. Being new to the area, I'm not sure where one can buy a towel. Which is why I've been using a single t-shirt which I dry off, hang outside, and repeat.

                                     This t-shirt has seen angles no t-shirt should see

So it turns out you need more than a night.

Studies say that the average male thinks about sex once every 7 seconds.

The average Maltese millennial thinks about leaving the country at roughly the same rate. 

Thanks to my comedic versatility and the fact that I'm less demanded in theatre than the officially licensed "Macbeth" changing room mirrors, I decided to actually head off to Japan and commence my pursuit of comedy. 

Day 1: 

The amuse-bouche of first impressions: People in uniform are friendly and they bow with three levels of enthusiasm:

1.) Soft :          Lightly lowering their head, only moving their neck. 

2.) Moderate:  The traditional bow. Hands to side, lowered back.

3.) Hardcore:   Presenting you with their inability to experience whiplash.

After 24 hours of travel, I finally made it to my room. For a reasonable price, you can get a room at a franchise hotel which tends to come with a particularly nice view of the Tokyo Skyline.

Tokyo is the place to be for all things weird and wonderful. This view was wonderful.





TV made sure to compensate for the weird. You would think that Japanese broadcasting is more than just game shows. Though it really is mostly game shows which tend to vary in structural tangibility. From standard quiz shows, to a team of midgets in drag, driving tow trucks. Their wasn't even a point system.


Later on in the night, I decided to decline the 35EUR pizza being offered by room service and went for a cheaper option with one of the many delivery places found all over Tokyo.

If you speak no Japanese, they're less inclined to take your order by phone, but online services got your back.

My order taught me something very important about food in Japan: Stick to what they know.
Unless you're ordering pizza from a franchise restaurant, you might be a little disappointed.

It generally tastes like a father's reaction after his son tells him he wants to juggle bowling pins professionally.
The chicken fingers had gloopy crevices that came fresh from a dermatologist's nightmare.
The diet-soda was fine.
Though I shall stay scouting for good-quality, well-priced local pizza.

Now that it's midnight, it's time to give myself some rest. As you know. It takes generally one rough night to overcome Jet-Lag.